I’ll cradle you in my arms like a small child sleeping
Holding fast to your lost flesh
Your once muscular body, feather- weight, gone
Your heart beat, silent
As I carry your ashes home
Where is home?
An island, Vancouver, Toronto, Australia?
It is anywhere we were, anywhere we are.
It is time to set you free
To know with certainty, you’ll return
In a child’s gentle touch or a stranger’s crooked smile
In a fairy tale mention of an ever- after land
In a scotch and water moment.
I am resolute; I’ll find the perfect spot
To lay you down to rest
A place where first light surprises darkness
On the razor edge of time
When Moon kissed Sun.
A sturdy tree your marker, a shelter from the wind
Yes, I remember. You sailed through storms.
A tree trunk to support me
As I collapse into the folds
The strength I seek, not found
I loved this man who died.
My charm, a ruthless hunter
I wish you back to life
My arms an anchor hitch to hold your heart
I beg you, “Say it.”
Speak the words you kept from me
In turn I’ll share a moment
Of a time you slept unaware
I whispered in your ear,”You are a good man.”
I kissed your forehead
Walked into our good-bye.
You say, “Hush.”
Rain mixes with our tears; I bow my head and crumble
And tell you, the years have been long
That I miss us; I’m sorry and know that you are, too
I speak love over and over
Love. Love. Love.
Until we believe it
Until you show it
You’re not here.
My fingers claw the earth
To find each broken bit that was once you
I’ll assemble you from pieces, return you to the day
Hold on closer than before
I ask you, wait for me.
Time has made me wiser
Aware of all I’ve lost
So I’ll tuck you in a pocket
Make you of myself.
And when it’s hard to sleep
I’ll offer you back to the night
Toss you to the sky
Sing a lullaby to the stars: this man with the gentle soul,
bless his broken heart.
My words form our story
Tender lyrics soothe your soul
A song of mercy
Sung from the book of grace
And I won’t forget to finish that which you could not:
to remember to hold each other up.
You must leave
I hear the rustle of wings, marvel at your strength
You glance back, see me wave
The eyes of the deer watch me
I close my eyes to pray
Lift my palms skyward and whisper,
“This is the holding of a father and his daughter.”
It is time to leave you
See. I am walking away with all of my strength
I am almost there.
I am singing. If you listen you will hear me.