and the sky faded to dark

she leaned into the porch swing, lit a cigarette,

closed her eyes,

and whispered his name

5 Comments on “as the sun slipped behind a cloud

    • I agree. We are in the seventies- at this moment. This is a woman of the 30s. However, she could be any woman, at any time in a life. Substitute a coffee. Laughing.

      • You’re so right. As writers we have to take the trends of the times into consideration if we are to make the setting ring true.

      • Many times I think to cut a detail that perhaps reduces the character in some way (by today’s standards and POV). The cigarette is a purposeful paradox- her beauty smudged by the image of a smoke. Yet, there is elegance to the cigarette- the way the head tilts to heaven, the finger tips. … I’m keeping the cig!

  1. Yes, do keep it. It serves the intended purpose very well, and is in keeping with the time period. Not having read the rest, it was out of context for me and this explains it. I did the same in my Julia’s Violinist novel. I wondered if the readers would be uncomfortable with the behaviour and stricter morals of the early 1900s but it is appropriate for the time, and then as the novel progressed in time, I had to make changes in language and behaviour to suit that too. So your cigarette is perfectly all right and fits what you’re trying to portray..

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