~ draft scene

Early morning sunlight crept in through the open window and kissed her on the shoulder.

He watched her sleep. Studied each soft inhale and exhale of  breath, traced a lock  of hair across the pillowcase.  The hair she refused to cut. Her signature, a self-styled rebellion against time and fashion mores.

Light crept across the bed, unveiling her face in real- time. She was his June with December’s eyes. He touched the scar beneath her chin and counted each freckle, long faded.

Time had caught him by surprise; he’d not seen himself growing older. Certainly, he had not seen her coming. It wasn’t supposed to play out this way. Now all he wanted  was to absorb her into oblivion.

Life could be a lonely act. How fast it goes. As seasons changed, he’d buried his father, then his mother, and cheated on his wives. Like the tease of spring, she  had tip- toed into his life, the odds stacked against her.

He’d warned. ” I carry a full bag.”

“Unpack,” she said.

Their future was uncertain. He knew this truth: she was hard to crush.

 

 

 

6 Comments on “

    • Fiction. Still sound advice.

      I am trying to re- write a couple of possible narrators to the story- not sure. There is more to this piece. I posted a snippet. Definitely need to punch it up. The characters have names; I’ve withheld them for now.

      The man is a good man. I wrote his piece way, way back in the beginning of this journey.Originally, this man was the proposed narrator. I’ve thought about this angle and have decided to make the protagonist the narrator.

      Writing is a challenging grind!

  1. I love the imagery – the ‘June with December’s eyes’, the ‘tease of spring’ and the dialogue is snappy and powerful.

    • Thank you, Andrea @ harvestinghecate,wordpress.com. You are a beautiful writer and your feedback means the world to me. I’m working on dialogue- action begets reaction begets another action…!

      Our protagonist isn’t as naive. She believes in love. Time has passed- “December eyes”. She is more of a weary realist.
      It’s a piece that asked to be written. It’s a piece I will cut. The narrator should be the protagonist for this story.

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